• Christ and Church Life and Building Spirit and Bride


    As a lover of Christ and a pursuer of truth, I write down my joys, memories and reflections.

    May God lead us all into the secret of His presence, and build us into the oneness of His body in love.
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A letter to the Lord

My dear Lord Jesus:

Even though I enjoy personal time and conversation with You, sometimes I do express my thoughts or feelings better through written words. Even though You probably know exactly what I am about to write, I don’t. So I decide to write You a letter. This is my first attempt, hopefully not the last. I also hope this letter is genuine, but at the same time, can be cursory and random. But I am sure you will have no trouble reading it.

Thoughts do cross my minds sometimes wondering about whether Your are real or not. Ironic isn’t it? After all the things we have been through together, after all the grace and enjoyment I had received, how could I still ask? I may swing between my appreciation that Your visits were the most fantastic thing that ever happened to me, and my wonder that You may be just a vapor of my imagination. But again and again, whenever I sought You and groped for You, sometimes very hard, I know You are there and You are not far.

Indeed, You are extremely real, and it seems that You are, mysteriously and graciously, always available. Every time I turned to You, You were there. Allow me to thank You. Your Person is very sweet and enjoyable. And every time I touched You, You supplied, consoled, strengthened, shined, so on and so forth. Again I thank You. I admit that I need You, I can’t live without You, and it is quite painful whenever I can’t find You. How can I deny Your existence? It would be like denying my own existence. I do wonder though that how can anyone question or deny Your existence while Your being is so approachable, experience-able, and testable? I guess it is Your mercy and grace that You found my trivial existence during my transient journey on this earth.

Thoughts also cross my minds that why You would put me in this world. The earth is indeed wonderfully-created and well-adjusted for almost all the needs of human race. Your creation is indeed beautiful and exquisite beyond any words. I did have many good and unforgettable memory on this lovely earth so far, and thank You if I have not said it enough. Yet this world, this system that human created, honestly speaking, is quite bad and, literally, evil. There are  injustice, darkness, corruptions and temptations everywhere. I know it is the people who caused them but somehow You do permit it. You also commanded that we shall live in it. Like You told Adam, my ancestor, that “in toil will you eat of it All the days of your life,” and “by the sweat of your face You will eat bread,” You commanded us to work hard in this world so we may feed ourselves. Anyway, I hope I didn’t give You the impression that I am complaining or murmuring. All I want to tell You is that it is not easy for one of Your own to live in this world, however, as long as I know it is Your commandment that I shall live and work in it, it is good enough for me. After all, You are with me.

I must confess that I am still a young and naive Christian, not being well-constituted with truth or being mature in life. Just starting to walk Your way, I know there is still a long way ahead of me. It is true that I haven’t gone very far in my Christian pursuit, but it is also false that I haven’t gone anywhere. I have to admit that I am at the edge between the spiritual pursuit and the worldly pursuit. On the one hand, I have tasted the enjoyments in spirit, witnessed Your majesty in person, and heard Your demanding commandments and promising prophecies. On the other hand, I have also worked and pursued in this world both academically or professionally, and I know what I may accomplish in the world if I want to. Alas! I am at the focal point where I I know I can’t have both and yet if I go a little farther or deeper either way, there is no turning back.

Indeed, Your demand is high and Your way is narrow. Like You told the young man, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in the heavens; and come, follow Me.” I feel like the young man. On the one hand, You have my love and consecration. Whenever I touch You, I want to know more of and spend more time with You. You know that I want to follow You to the end. On the other hand, I can’t say that I don’t have any desire or ambition in this world, having been living and working in this world for so long. Some may manage to do well in both spiritual and worldly pursuits, but somehow I know I can’t. I must choose a side and go all the way. Aware of both the exceedingly joy and the high price, I hope I wouldn’t “go away sorrowing.”

Thank You for letting me write this letter. It seems that I wrote a lot yet said nothing. But at least I know how I feel, a little better.

I love and worship You Lord.
You know I do. Amen.


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